Smoke all you like, it’s too late now

Awoke early and got up as I don’t like lying awake in bed these days. Fell asleep again on the sofa downstairs though. Had lunch with Juliet at the hospice today, always very civilised and relaxed. She was reasonably bright. We both noticed some cigarette smoke coming in from outside, via the open small window. It was a patient on the neighbouring patio and we briefly discussed the wisdom of smoking while in a hospice. We both concluded that what the hell, if you enjoy it, it’s too late to be worrying about it now.

I left to go to Banbury, to exchange the two bras we’d bought the other day for a larger size. I’ve long since stopped being coy about anything to do with Juliet’s illness & associated symptoms. However the wall (literally) of bras in M&S flummoxed me – as far as I’m concerned they come in black and frilly – so I asked a nearby assistant for help, she picked out two replacements and the transaction was done in a couple of minutes. Now I had time left on the car parking so I went shopping for me, and bought a couple of shirts and some uber-trendy jeans. (OK, some safe, middle-aged man’s chinos).

It was a glorious day, sort of Battle of Britain blue sky with vapour trails across it and Banbury was almost empty. At home it was too hot to work in the garden so I re-secured a curtain rail that had come down (no, not the one I put up the other day!). Then while in our bathroom I decided to clean our shower which has needed doing for some weeks now – anti-limescale and also some mould patches developing. Hard work and I almost passed out on the fumes of the bleach / limescale remover but another useful job done. Then I had some extremely tasty celery soup (see previous posts) and later a shower in a very-clean shower before we all went to see Juliet again.

We watched Top Gear together but as Lucy commented afterwards “Mum’s just not in our world”. She used to enjoy the show but sat throught it without reacting. Afterwards she seemed very down, and also confused about the coming week – who’s visiting, what’s happening, etc. She asked for a calendar to let her know, which we’ll provide. What is happening is that her mum is visiting tomorrow, Phil (brother) & Sharon are visiting tomorrow evening, she’s coming home briefly on Wednesday and is having her hair cut on ?Thursday. We’ll have to put her attitude this evening down to tiredness. Earlier this afternoon the nurses had put her in a wheelchair and sat her outside on the patio, which she’d liked.

About hodders

Husband and proud father of two daughters. Now a widower. Trying to balance between not dwelling on Juliet's death, but telling the world how much I loved her. Tricky.
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One Response to Smoke all you like, it’s too late now

  1. Derek Hodkin says:

    oh Simon I do feel for you . . .one day however these writings will be a memento for you and your girls of how it was. After a ‘false start’ in my understanding of ‘blogs’ all is now clear and I have printed out all of these passages for me also and have a file with them all to read again and again. I knew that you were quite good at ‘sciency’ things but not that you had a command of words too . . .so many things I have been unaware of . . . love to all of you Dad. . .


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