Not much talking, just sleeping

Returned to KH in the late afternoon with the girls. J was fast asleep, but woke enough to recognise and smile at them. It was tea time and I took a plate of salmon sandwiches in to her. J just about managed to eat most of them – but fell fast asleep with the last mouthful left unchewed. That’s how fast the sleeping comes on. She actually had an arm and leg shake while she was eating, so she’d probably had another minor seizure. A new doctor (Dr Elsa) had increased her Midazolam today. Looking on Wikipedia, I note that “drawbacks of midazolam include ….cognitive impairment and sedation”. Well that’s tomorrow’s discussion point sorted out then. Although… seizures or sleepiness? which do we want?

When we eventually did rouse her, she was trying to say something. “I… like…” or “I… want…” But that’s all she can get out. She did say “Oh Simon!” at one point.

J gets her look - on hols in Jersey 2000

J gets her look - on hols in Jersey 2000

She gets so frustrated at not being able to elucidate her feelings. So we have to say “Are you in pain? Are you cold/hot? Are you thirsty? Do you want the TV remote?” like some sort of closed-question parlour game. When we said “do you want some chocolate?” she nodded and smiled but I don’t think that was it. We got some out of the fridge of course, which she loved. It might be “I want to get better” but I don’t like to think about that.

Today’s photo (I can feel a theme coming on here) is of J on holiday in Jersey in 2000. It’s not a great picture but while scanning photos today, I wondered if this is about the time when J developed her “look” i.e. short, coloured hair, stylish dress, cardigan and sandals. It’s probably just because she’s on hols and was looking and feeling good, and I’ve always liked that dress, but it contrasts with earlier photos of her looking after the girls, who were almost 8 and 5 in this photo, so presumably needed a bit less looking after.

Thanks to Ian & Emma (neighbours) for cooking me risotto when I got home. It was sticky & gooey, as risotto should be. The girls cooked their own tea, they wouldn’t touch risotto with a barge pole. In fact they wouldn’t even touch a barge pole.

About hodders

Husband and proud father of two daughters. Now a widower. Trying to balance between not dwelling on Juliet's death, but telling the world how much I loved her. Tricky.
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