Sorting papers

Lovely sunny day, and hot. I’m losing track of what day it is through not being at work (Tuesday).

This morning I went through Juliet’s papers that she kept on a shelf in a cupboard which otherwise held DVDs and videos. This was a notorious “black hole” for papers but she fiercely resisted any sorting of them. Lots of long-lost documents surfaced – some of the girls’ school reports, recipes, shopping lists, room plans and notes J had made for our move to this house almost eight years ago, Australia travel articles, a letter or two, newspaper cuttings that she found of interest, kitchen calendars and a diary, a pair of broken glasses and a broken wrist watch, etc etc etc. The pile of papers simply expanded as I removed a batch and relieved the pressure on the remaining pile. After a while I called Lucy over to keep me company as the inevitable emotions and tears surfaced. Despite that, I actually enjoyed it overall. You wouldn’t believe how much of a person’s personality is reflected in such a collection.

Eating breakfast cereal this morning I finally acknowledged that my recently-repaired filling was still troubling me. When I went to gently brush my teeth, one side of the filling came away, b****r it!

Now scanning a few miscellaneous items, including a letter that J’s brother Alex wrote to her almost 25 years ago, which will no doubt make him squirm, and the following self-explanatory certificate:

Head Teacher Award Sept 2004Head Teacher Award Sept 2004

Later I visited the hospice. The nurses had positioned J’s bed so she could see out of the open french windows in her room. However she was fast asleep. She briefly opened her eyes when I called her name several times but that was about it for the rest of the visit. I noticed that at her bedside was a tin of thickening agent – one of the helpers explained that they were using it to very slightly thicken J’s drinks, so they slide down her throat rather than go into her lungs.

I was playing the piano in the chapel when Drs Richard and Katie came to see me for a chat. We discussed the undesired side effects of Midazolam – cognitive impairment and sedation / somnolence (difficulty in staying awake) – which are exactly what J is experiencing. However, it is countering the minor, transient seizures she’s having, which themselves cause much the same problems. So she is between a rock and a hard place.

yellow roses at J's bedside

yellow roses at J's bedside

Cousin Janet and Bill (and Cassie the dog) came to visit towards the end of the afternoon. I had a nice chat with them in the lounge. Then left for an evening of ferrying the girls around.

About hodders

Husband and proud father of two daughters. Now a widower. Trying to balance between not dwelling on Juliet's death, but telling the world how much I loved her. Tricky.
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