Lillies, diaries and tears

A huge & lovely bunch of lillies, in a heavy vase was delivered to the door by Interflora this morning. Thank you Jeremy, Fran, Daniel & Lizzie in Australia.



All three of us took them in to the hospice. J was sound asleep as usual. We tried for several minutes but could not rouse her – just an occasional flicker of the eyelids. The nurse said there was no change. So we left.

Caught up with & sent a few e-mails, including one to a former colleague saying I wouldn’t be attending the funeral on Thursday of a former sales colleague – cancer again, but he was older… Included a short message describing my memory of him.

Lucy drove us all the way to High Wycombe on the A roads, we went for lunch there and she drove us back. No problems at all. Coming out of John Lewis, I got upset, Juliet would have loved this trip so much. These “emotions” are getting too frequent, Lucy keeps telling me to go & see someone at the hospice, so I will. I only got four hours’ sleep last night which probably didn’t help. I watched a rental film, which J had watched by herself some weeks ago – at the time we misunderstood each other as to which film she was watching. She said it was rubbish. I watched it last night and thought it was fantastic – and I don’t understand why she would have said that, it seemed just her kind of film – and now we can’t discuss why. I then watched videos of when the girls were young until after 1am. Altogether, not a very good idea.

B&W photo of young J with plait

B&W photo of young J with plait

Back home with the girls we ignored the rest of the sunny afternoon, drew the curtains and watched a Simon Pegg DVD together, which was great, they loved it. [Dad recommends a DVD and they like it!!] A hot, sultry evening followed. I sat in my sweaty study and started to go through old work diaries, picking out events & dates to date photos, and even uncovering a few gems such as the first recorded words by the girls.

Collected Lucy from the private skipping coaching lesson she was giving (yes really) and went with her to KH. More tears on the way. No change with Juliet, no response whatsoever as far as I can see. Her mum (and also cousin Janet) had seen her this afternoon and also got little or no response.

Juliet has been moved onto a bed with a vibrating mattress we noted, basically a matress that has a pulse moving through it like a wave, to prevent bed sores. She had one of these when originally admitted (six weeks ago tomorrow), which she disliked and the nurses surprised me by there and then transferring her to a conventional mattress.

Lucy and I sat for a long time with nurse Andrea, discussing topics such as J’s ongoing care and my preference for being alerted at night if there’s any change, through to counselling services.  On the way out Lucy emptied the fridge of Juliet’s chocolate supplies which had started to build up. Sorry Janet, but your nice chocs will be appreciated by the girls.

About hodders

Husband and proud father of two daughters. Now a widower. Trying to balance between not dwelling on Juliet's death, but telling the world how much I loved her. Tricky.
This entry was posted in Cancer, Diaries, Hospice, Photos, Skipping. Bookmark the permalink.

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