The girls and I called in on J early this afternoon; there was no repeat of yesterday’s interaction however. The cocktail of drugs in her syringe driver now includes increased Midazolam to counter further seizures, Diamorphine to counter the pain J feels when she is moved and a new drug to counter the noisy breathing that is starting to occur in the back of her throat. (The syringe driver is a device about the size of a VCR cassette powered by a battery which delivers tiny doses from a large syringe over 24 hours; she has had this attached for some weeks now). We didn’t stay long.

J and L, Sunday 9 July 1995 at Bodicote

J and L, Sunday 9 July 1995 at Bodicote

Alice went swimming in an open-air pool with some of her friends. Lucy & I did stuff at home. I printed out an A4 version of the close-up photo that the nurses now have in their records, and framed it; it will be the focal point picture for her funeral.

Margaret visited J in the afternoon, apparently. She brought with her some black & white photos of J and sat there describing them to Juliet; she was rewarded with a slight squeeze of the hand and half-opening of the eyes which delighted Margaret. A nurse said “your daughter never seems to be unhappy”.

After collecting Alice in the early evening, we called in again briefly, but got no response really – a flicker of the eyelids at best. The noisy breathing is still there, although she isn’t snoring now. I said that J smelt clean & fresh whereupon Alice said “yes, but she doesn’t smell like Mummy”. So I sprayed a little of J’s perfume on her hands and neck. It wasn’t until we were driving home when it had dried that I could smell it on my hands. I can smell it now. It’s lovely.

About hodders

Husband and proud father of two daughters. Now a widower. Trying to balance between not dwelling on Juliet's death, but telling the world how much I loved her. Tricky.
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One Response to Perfume

  1. Derek Hodkin (Dad) says:

    I so understand your emotions for this day . . .to return to places you have lived in and to meet up with old friends without your other half . . so sad. One good thing to come out of this maybe is that you appear to have a closer relationship with your daughters now and your father certainly . . .


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