Very tired on getting up, now that I have to get up before 8 or so. Must try and get to bed before midnight. More emails reading – and mostly deleting. The postman, Simon, pushed so much mail through the letterbox that we came down to see what the noise was. I opened the door to him and asked if he was dumping his round through our door. It’s the form-filling – it simply generates more paperwork to be filled in.

Kite flying at Weston-super-Mare 1985

J kite flying at Weston-super-Mare 1985

I did fill in a couple more forms regarding pensions, since apparently not only do I get a spouses’ pension, but the girls get one too. I suppose I knew that, but it’s not exactly something you really consider, it’s always something that happens in the future. Except that the future becomes the present.

Neighbour Emma brought a cake round, and neighbour H came to collect chairs and the spare GP cage. She stayed for a cup of tea and we talked about the sand field which is behind her house, while watching Hamlet and Horatio in the pen.

Later I started writing 2-3 line emails thanking people for coming to the funeral / sending cards / sending me emails of encouragement. I did wonder if they seemed a bit wooden, but if you received one from me, let me tell you that every single email I sent today was heartfelt and I am extremely touched that you took the time to think of me and my family.

I almost, almost made it through the day without tears (the girls tell me I shouldn’t see it as a challenge). But I just read a few PDF’d letters that Jeremy had left for me, copies of letters that Juliet wrote to him & his family each Christmas. The last one, written on 11 Dec 2010, in very poor handwriting, ends “If this has been a bit miserable. I promise you i’m not. I want to enjoy as much as I can and I have lots of people to help me. I still have to clean the toilets – no one loves me that much!” We did Juliet, we did.

About hodders

Husband and proud father of two daughters. Now a widower. Trying to balance between not dwelling on Juliet's death, but telling the world how much I loved her. Tricky.
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