Approaching anniversaries

It’s a year to the day that Juliet entered the hospice. Here’s an extract from an email I wrote that evening:

Juliet was admitted to the local hospice this afternoon, a relief for us all.
She had a long talk & examination from their own doctor and one of the nurses.
It’s likely she’ll be in there for at least five days, to give them time to sort out her pain management, something we’ve failed to do.
They have terrific facilities and a nurse to patient ratio of 2:1.

I did genuinely did think it would only be a temporary measure, but in retrospect, how naive I was. Although the staff did indeed sort out the pain management effectively, she went downhill pretty swiftly from then on, lasting just over six weeks. I started this blog two and half weeks into that time.

There are lots of anniversaries I could recall, but haven’t done so, the date of her first admission into hospital, her treatment dates and so on. I do have a large folder of all the medical records, letters and so on, if I need them. But it’s a sad read – which is how I describe this blog on my Twitter profile. Better to recall the happy days.

J in Marlow May 2009

J in Marlow May 2009

J and her tree, April 2010
J and her tree, April 2010, a month after its planting

The next time I will update this blog will probably be on or after the anniversary of her death, 7 August. I did read a useful post somewhere that said words to the effect of: “although it’s just another day… it isn’t. Accept that you will feel bad and deal with it.” So I’ve booked the day off work and vaguely plan to spend the day doing something that J would have liked, perhaps with her parents if they are willing. It might be something as mundane as lunch and a garden centre. Don’t know yet. But it’s only six weeks away.

For those that are curious – I am happier these days, certainly more so than say at the beginning of this year. The new relationship is still going strong after many months, even though there have been many rocky moments. That’s as much information as I’ll give since this blog is about me, Juliet and our family, and no-one else.

J and S, Scarborough, 1 August 2008

J and S at Scarborough, 1 August 2008

At Nuneham Courtenay Arboretum, 1st Nov 2009

At Nuneham Courtenay Arboretum, 1st Nov 2009

J and her dad, 17 August 2008, garden party to celebrate Maragaret's 70th birthday

J and her dad, 17 August 2008, at our garden party to celebrate Margaret’s 70th birthday

Party girl, NYE 31 Dec 2008

Party girl, NYE 31 Dec 2008

J and S Boxing Day 2009

J and S Boxing Day 2009

J and Margaret Boxing Day 2009

J and Margaret Boxing Day 2009

J off to the Xmas sales, 27 Dec 2009

J off to the Xmas sales, 27 Dec 2009

About hodders

Husband and proud father of two daughters. Now a widower. Trying to balance between not dwelling on Juliet's death, but telling the world how much I loved her. Tricky.
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5 Responses to Approaching anniversaries

  1. bornbyariver says:

    The anniversaries are hard, aren’t they. She was lovely.

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  2. Hey Simon, I was updating my blog on WordPress and I thought to look at yours. Hope it’s going alright for you. I’m getting quite a dose of my mom this summer, since her husband died — in home hospice — in February, so the recounting of your experience on this blog has been helpful to me.

    Like

    • hodders says:

      Thanks for your comments folks. Sorry about your dad-in-law KTC. This blog is now twelve months old, so it’s interesting to look back at entries from a year ago. One of the friends mentioned now also has terminal cancer. How life can change.

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  3. Jane says:

    Dear Simon,
    Just to say you are all still in my thoughts and I anniversary will not be easy. You are doing right in planning on doing something that J would have liked. If not, just spend the day alone with her in your thoughts and let the inevitable wave of emotions out. Glad to hear the things on the private side are going well. A new relationship is not easy when their are children from an old relationship involved no matter what the circumstances are. But it is worth fighting for and you have a right to a life as well. Take care and go easy on yourself. It is still only one year and there is still a little way to go.
    Kind regards and love

    Jane

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  4. Jeremy Thorp says:

    Dear Simon, Lucy & Alice,
    We’re all thinking of you at this time.
    Juliet will always be in our hearts.

    Jeremy, Fran, Daniel & Lizzie

    Like

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