“We’ve got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen” – DH Lawrence
Three years since Juliet died.
In some ways it has gone very quickly, in others it seems a lifetime. And life pre-illness, Easter 2009, is over five years ago; it’s another time, another place, another age.
You, the reader, will be pleased to know that my life is good these days, in fact so good that I occasionally feel slightly guilty about it. But not for long, life is too short for regrets.
News update: Lucy graduated from York with a 2:1 in Psychology, and will do a year at Durham starting in the autumn. Alice is loving Computer Science at Lincoln, and the city itself. I went skiing in Austria in February and went from novice to Not Bad in just four days (Sorry).
I ran the London Marathon, was a little disappointed with my time (4 hours 44 mins) but I guess I shouldn’t let that overshadow the actual achievement in itself. I’m enjoying the running, it keeps me healthy and I know that J would have approved and encouraged me. I just ran a 4-mile local race tonight with my running club.
The bereavement counselling (me as the counsellor) is going OK, the sessions make me thoughtful but don’t trouble me otherwise. The last time I cried this year (the only time) was suddenly, in the middle of Lucy’s graduation ceremony, looking down on her waiting to go up to the stage and remembering her being born. And then afterwards, as we came out, I fairly blubbed, thinking that J should have been there.
Richard and Margaret commissioned a portrait of J, painted from a selection of photos that I supplied. I didn’t think I would like it, it’s not my thing, but I the result was better than I expected – it does capture that air of slight uncertainty and nervousness J had about her. I don’t look at old photos or videos much these days, but when I do, I enjoy recognizing J’s body language – the posture, the stance, the look on her face, everything is still so familiar. I’m pleased that memory remains.
I’ve been with my new partner for over a year now, we understand each other and are very happy together but we’re not rushing into anything. Both Juliet and D’s late husband would have been happy for us. We’ve got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen.